That sums up where I’m at this morning…and yesterday.
This afternoon is my Columbia writing test. It’s not that I am really nervous about the test itself–it’s not something you can REALLY study for–it’s that I’m scared by the fact that I don’t want to write it. If I don’t want to do this with my life, what do I want to do? I still am interested in UBC for journalism, I still love writing, etc. but I just don’t know…I think there’s a career drama/fear post in my future but I’m not ready to share where I’m at with that just yet.
“Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.”
It was probably the combination of:
- Life worries – career?
- Injury frustrations – see below – and not being able to work out how I’d like to
- Not being sure what’s up for the weekend – even though I do
- Normal stress at night – what am I going to wear tomorrow, eat tomorrow, do tomorrow, etc. (this is a common theme: as soon as I start to worry about anything I’m unsure of, even if it’s petty, I go for chocolate)
- “environment is everything” – I keep hearing this and it makes me wonder – as much as during recovery I’ve thought that I should be able to be in a healthy enough place to keep all kinds of junk food around, I’m realizing that it’s NOT a requirement and that I could look at it this way: if I got rid of the endless options for chocolate, etc. (and maybe kept one or two instead of 6 or 7 treats around), I might be less inclined to overdo it in the heat of a near binge moment – sure at some point I hope to be able to have a candy store next door at my disposal and not want to overeat, but maybe having so many options around is like an alcoholic keeping cold beer in the fridge?
- Family issues – I can’t seem to deal right now
- Anxiety over having to write a test
- Lack of sleep – so I slept in an extra hour instead of going to swim before class (giving up the calming/comforting effect of the early morning workout, but focusing on overall health!)
- School: I really don’t feel like I did a very good job on the two assignments that are due today for my classes – but all things considered this wasn’t the best week or timing
Phew…maybe I should have blogged that out last night and not turned to the chocolate…again, LESSONS not mistakes!
whining warning: BEGIN!
On the injury front: So the massage and physio appointments yesterday were good…but came with some advice that I didn’t want to hear. The physio suggested that since, with spinning, I am staying about the same (even though I’m doing my best to foam roll, strengthen, and take care of this hip flexor) I should lay off of stuff for a week. I know it’s only a week and I know I don’t need to exercise every day (and that I can swim), but I still am bummed. I posted my classes, I whined a bit, and I decided to take it all as a learning experience. People have struggled through so much worse than this and come out on top, and I know it’s still early in the year.I have almost half a year til my half ironman. Cmonnnnnn hip, I want to start training for real! I think part of the frustration is the fear of this free time and the feeling that I might have to deal with all my anxieties over grad school and whether or not I am choosing the right thing or should apply to alternatives. Ohhhhh, time to think. Love/hate.
Now it’s Friday and before I know it it’s going to be the end of the day. I’m driving to school because I am not taking this week off for nothing. I am going to be as gentle with this hip as possible, foam roll like a crazy woman, and do more clamshells than anyone has ever done before!
What do you guys think about keeping “treats” around after recovery?
When do you find yourself most stressed during the day?
How do you handle your stress positively?
When you’ve had to take time off for an injury, did you find other issues came up for you?